Archive

March 2011

Browsing

Dearest loved ones, Thanks for loving me even though… I am a drama queen I don’t wear practical shoes I laugh REALLY loud…mostly at my own jokes I laugh inappropriately (like that time you tripped…I feel super bad about that) I snort when I laugh I obsess about dumb things (like finding the RIGHT shade of minty/pastel green nail polish) I make things about me that have nothing to do with me I “own too many jackets” You waved and honked as we drove past each other, but my music is loud and I was giving the performance of a lifetime – I never even saw you I only have twelve snappy comebacks, and use them on rotation I thought gaucho pants were cool I talk about makeup too much (a piece of my heart can be found next to the kaleidoscope of eyeshadow colors at MAC) I love breakfast more than is appropriate…

I’d like to give you a rundown of my nicknames. Scooter bear (as I didn’t crawl, I scooted as a baby) Baby bear Jenny girl Igor (as a kid, when I was being obnoxious, this is what mother called me) Junior (if I was being a smart-mouth like my father) Jelly Gully Jenny-bunny Never-nude GB GG JenCo My nieces call me “Aunt G” which is the cutest thing evs My husband uses these frequently: Gus (“hurry up Gus!”) Gilbert Jelly Wife Wife E. Wife Bubba Bootsy (I called HIM Bootsy, he turned it around and started calling me that. It’s MADDENING!) Angel Beautiful I like being called Jenny Lind. Not that it seems to matter. I answer to any and all of the fore mentioned. What’s in a name, anyway?

Dear Restaurateurs, I could use some clarification on a couple of items. “Hello, my name is (blank) and I’ll be taking care of you this evening.” Really? Who came up with this greeting? Just once, I’d like to ask what all this “care” entails. As someone who does not have children, I need a plan for who will care for me in my old age. Though I am certain that this is not what the server has in mind.  I see nothing wrong with “I’ll be serving you this evening.” “Sure, I can get you a refill. No problem.” Well, I didn’t THINK it was a problem…until you said that. My thirst is inconvenient, I know.  I like it when my glass is never empty, and when I don’t need to ask for a refill. I also like it when I don’t have to ask for a glass of water.…

I took a small step last weekend. As I prepare for auditions, I realized I needed headshots. (As if I don’t have ENOUGH pictures of myself, right?!) I went to a WONDERFUL photographer (Nikki Rose) and we spent the afternoon walking through a park and taking pictures. Nikki made the experience fun. She immediately put me at ease & made me feel comfortable. My fav moments of the day were when one passerby said “Work it!” and when another said, “Those are the fanciest walkin’ shoes I’ve EVER seen.”  Now, here comes the part where I turn into a dumb girl. I looked at my pictures and let out a sigh. My disappointment does not come from the photographer or the quality of the photos themselves, but in my appearance. You see, I’ve worked really hard to shed 30 pounds. I was disappointed that I am still…well…on the “fluffy” side. It…

I love people. I love being around people. I need you. You are my DRUG! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO QUIT YOU! Oh, dear. I took things too far…as I often do. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7    4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. A couple of young ladies told me they enjoy my “urban dictionary style” paraphrasing of the Bible. Here’s my interpretation of that passage: Love does not tap its foot while in front of the microwave. Love celebrates other’s successes. Love doesn’t pout. Love does what’s best for others first. Love doesn’t say “I told you…

If you haven’t heard Francesca Battistelli’s song This Is The Stuff, go listen to it ASAP. It’s one of my favs and always puts a smile on my face. This song is my inspiration for today’s post. This is (some of) the stuff that drives me CRAZY. That stuff that I call “sawdust” which is in the bottom of the box of cereal. It is terrible. It makes you think there’s enough for an entire bowl of cereal but not really. Sawdust. Bread heels. So gross. Who eats it? Dryer lint. We can put a man on the moon but we still have to pull out this robotic belly button and scrape out the lint. Chipped nailpolish. Unpainted toes in sandals & open-toed shoes. Paint your piggies. And take some sandpaper to those feet while you’re at it. That looks like something out of Jurassic Park! Rice cakes. WHAT IS THE…

I’ve got your basic good news/bad news situation for you today. Good news: ANYTHING is possible. Bad news: if you want your life to change, it is YOU who has to change. I am sorry. I wish it were simpler. I love this definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Stop expecting things to happen when you keep doing the same crap over and over again. Ever felt “stuck”? Powerless to change your circumstances. Caught in the undertow of other people’s decisions. You can’t even put your finger on what’s wrong, because everything feels wrong. You should know it’s not forever. It’s not the end. It’s just a season. It’s an in-between time. Ride it out! Don’t lose it. When you feel like you can’t go any further, that is when you need to push the hardest. You’ll get your breakthrough. Something…

Follow the rabbit trail of my thoughts today. These are things I remind myself of on a regular basis. Hope they help you, too! Be yourself. Scratch that, be BETTER than your normal self. If someone hurts you and you don’t give them a chance to make things right, that is YOUR problem. Work it out! Don’t hold onto things that weigh you down. Especially cake. Stop spending time with people who make you feel bad about yourself or don’t push you to reach higher. Stop making stuff about you that literally has NOTHING to do with you. Make things about OTHERS. (I like knowing what my friends’ favorite coffee or snack is. Take the time to learn and care about those little things.) Be the friend YOU would want to have. Be someone’s reason for waking up. Don’t be a hater tot. When someone is successful, celebrate with them!  Become their…

Meet Kirstin. Kirstin is one of my very best friends. Kirstin was making her way downtown Portland via public transportation one day for work. As she disembarked, she left behind her makeup bag full of treasures. She text me that morning telling me what happened and that she was unable to contact Lost & Found that day and collect her belongings. This was unacceptable. I kicked into panic mode. I rushed over and brought her an emergency makeup kit that evening to get her through until she could retrieve her bag and told her I would contact Lost & Found for her. I called and gave the Lost & Found man a description of the bag and its fabulous contents.  “You don’t sound like you need any makeup at all.” , he says in a creeper, breathy tone.  “Trust me, I do.”, I told him. He said, “I’ve got it right here. I’ll have it…

What is the deal with yogurt these days? Are there commercials for anything else? Sure, I can’t stop myself from singing “Activia!” once in a while. No, I don’t want Jamie Lee Curtis’s poopy yogurt. What is this Greek yogurt I keep seeing all these ridiculous ads for? You know what? I don’t care. I am not interested. Ad world: I am the ultimate consumer and you managed to make me hate something I’ve never even tried. I won’t even eat FROZEN yogurt! Ice cream impersonator! IMPOSTER! You will NEVER be DESSERT! Only I would rant about yogurt. That in itself is ridiculous. There is no real reason for this yogurt induced rage I am feeling. It just annoys me.