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April 2011

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Dear Pharmacists, I’ll be the first to admit, I am not EXACTLY sure what it is you do. You give people drugs. That’s all I know, really. There is a moment when I am picking up a medication where I nearly become a liar. It is when the pharmacy technician asks the ill-fated question “Have you taken this medication before?” that I bite my lip, take a breath and exhale the word “yessss”. The exuberance in which the Pharmacist yesterday discussed my prescribed Flonase was right out of a sitcom. No, I have never used Flonase before, but it is nasal spray. You squirt the stuff up your nose. This isn’t rocket surgery. I did not need to know the origin of said nasal spray. I did not need to be told everything that was clearly labeled on the bottle in question  including instructions for use. Though, the demonstration of use is…

Your heart is not a garbage disposal. Stop pushing stuff down into it. Your heart is not a garbage dump. Stop allowing yourself to be dumped on. (You can be compassionate without taking on other people’s junk.) Your heart is not a bank account.  Stop writing checks it cannot cash. Your heart is fragile. Hold onto it a little tighter. Be wise about who gets near it. Your heart is a garden. Use caution in what you plant there.

There is perhaps no more lonely place that what I deem The Island of Unforgiveness. An unforgiving heart isolates you. You may think of it as self-preservation. You are PROTECTING yourself, right?  In reality, it is actually wreaking havoc on all of your relationships. Don’t take my word for it though. Think about it for a moment. Just that one unresolved issue can eat away at you so you push away people you love and who really love you. Innocent people. Unforgiveness is the ultimate game-changer/deal-breaker. It will change the shape of who you are, and not for the better. When we are in pain, we say and do things we would not otherwise do. Forgiveness does not mean you are letting someone off the hook. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Forgiveness heals YOUR heart. Forgiveness brings freedom to YOU. Eventually, it translates into letting go of the fear of being hurt again…

Clowns. Whales and other deep sea creatures. But mostly whales. Heights. I seem to enjoy roller coasters, but had massive vertigo at the Space Needle once. Totally uncool. Carnivals. Buffalo. I saw them for the first time over a year ago. Thought they were cool. The word majestic comes to mind when you come face to face with this amazing creature. Then you see multiple buffalo, traveling together. I just felt very outnumbered. And very small. I jumped back into my friend’s car and yelled “We gotta get outta here!” Let’s just say any gathering of animals is scary, ok? Any time you are outnumbered, you are in trouble. You can run and tell THAT, homeboy! Ripping my pants. While dancing. (Happened in December. I don’t want to talk about it.)

A couple of weeks ago, I auditioned for an independent film. My experience with the casting director and producers was completely positive. They were incredibly kind and complimentary to me. What amazed me is that they said they would get back to everyone who auditioned. This is not common. If you don’t hear back, that’s your answer. Well, my answer came around 10pm last night. It was a “no”. You never know though! These people could want to see me for something else. To be honest, I am just starting out and was honored to be seen by anyone. It was also fun. No hard feelings. No regrets. I did my best, but ultimately wasn’t right for their project. Truth is, this is going to happen a lot. All I can do is learn from it, get more experience and training, and tackle the next audition. Perhaps the sweetest part of all this is…

Most girls dream of being a princess. Not just ANY princess, a DISNEY princess. I dream of being the villain. I want to be the voice of a Disney villain. Funny. Diabolical. Fantastic songs. The character you love to hate. Additionally, I would like to play Ursula in the Little Mermaid on Broadway. Some people are disturbed by my villainous desires. I assure them it is because I am a princess in real life.

Ever have someone tell you to “sleep on it” when you’re agonizing over a life-altering decision? Are you ACTUALLY able to SLEEP?! No. “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” Besides being completely irrelevant because no one really knows what a “gander” is unless you live on a farm for Pete’s sake, what’s good for one person is NOT necessarily good for someone else. “The pot calling the kettle black.” This just sounds racist to me. “You made your bed, now lay in it.” I don’t know about you, but when I actually go to all the trouble of making my bed, I feel like I should stand there for a moment and admire it. “There’s no use crying over spilled milk.” FALSE. A few years ago, my husband and I were carrying groceries through the garage to the kitchen. In doing so, I dropped a gallon of milk in…

My adventure meter is off the charts. I am not exactly sure how or when this occurred. I am guessing it is something biological that happened after 30. Here’s just a glimpse into my crazy. Go to Paris and be kissed under the Eiffel Tower. Try stand-up comedy. (If I BOMB, that’s even funnier.) See one of my plays performed. Be in LOTS of plays. Record an album. Go on a Disney cruise. I have this NEW rule because there are SO many things I want to do: No adding things to the bucket list until other things get checked off. What’s on your bucket list?

Today is a list of things I am letting go of.  My hope in sharing this today is that it will inspire you to shake off  junk that weighs you down.   Insecurity: I don’t have the time or energy for you. You may have ruled my teen years and most of my 20’s, but there’s a new sheriff in town! Fear of failure: there are worse things than failing. For example, never even TRYING.  I am looking forward to failing SPECTACULARLY at something I love. BRING IT ON! If nothing else, it will make for interesting blog posts. Worry: experts (me) say that worry leads to chronic idiopathic diarrhea. The Haters: if someone ain’t hatin’, then you’re not doing something right. Don’t you worry, hater tots! I came armed with plenty of ketchup. Nom nom! Deelish! I eat hater tots for breakfast. Old dreams: some things need to die off to…

A woman’s purse is a sacred thing. I mistakenly dove into mother’s purse once in search of candy as a child. I never touched the darn thing again. You don’t mess with a woman’s purse! I think you can tell a lot about a woman by her purse and what she lugs around it. Now that I have gotten pleasantries out of the way, I’d like to take you on a  journey into the great abyss also known as my handbag. Don’t be frightened. The purse hook. I made this discovery some time ago after I was given a beautiful purse and did not want it to get dirty. It keeps your handbag off the floor where it can get dirty, and off the back of your chair where it will either fall off anyway or where someone can make off with it easily. (If you use a purse that…