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June 2011

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I like elephants and I have some elephant figurines, jewelry and the like. I don’t like to talk about this. I don’t like to say that I collect elephants. If you say that you collect something then everyone instantly decides that they need to help you add to that collection. I have had some people give me gifts of elephant, and I hate them. They aren’t attractive, they are not anything that I would ever even consider getting, but they are elephants and therefore I should like them. Let’s put it this way, I like elephants, but just because it’s an elephant doesn’t mean I like it. As you can see from the diagram below, there’s not a lot of elephant paraphernalia that I would like:   So I know that I shouldn’t complain, if people give me a gift, it’s the thought that counts. Especially if  they just decide out of…

You know that space between the kitchen cabinetry and your stove? Why is it just big enough to lose a noodle or the like? Of course, if you were attempting to spill something into that crevice on purpose, you wouldn’t be able to. Murphy’s Law, my friends. I have absolutely no intention of shimmying that oven out of its home to sweep and clean there. There is no telling what evil lurks in that space at this point. I will continue pretending nothing is there. This is how I sleep at night. (I know, worst wife evs, right? What’s more is how I hardly cook at all and when I do, this is what happens! I should just stay out of the kitchen.) That space is basically the Bermuda Triangle of kitchens. It may as well be the Black Hole in outer space! I have no intention of visiting there, either.

Few things in life are as inconvenient as dreams. I’d say on the inconvenience scale it is just above nosebleed, but below the stomach flu. The process of finding my dream took the better part of a decade. It had been there my whole life, but I could not admit it to myself and accept certain things. I even read several best-selling books by incredible Christian authors about discovering your dream. Every time, I came up empty because I was in DENIAL. These books were fantastic, but I refused to look at the obvious thing they were pointing out to me. So, I kept looking for something else. I could not accept it because I thought it was silly, and I kept searching for a “grown up” dream. But, dreams are supposed to be bigger than us. This process has been painful on a lot of different levels and in ways I…

You know what? Cranky people make me stabby. I’ve decided there’s a new breed of hater. I call them “maters”. It’s because not only are they hatin’ on you, but they’re a total martyr about it. There’s absolutely no explanation good enough for these people. SO DON’T GIVE THEM ONE! It is a waste of your precious time. I came to a startling realization recently. Offended people have CHOSEN to be so. Sadly, I came to this conclusion amidst a rant to my spouse about something I was CHOOSING to be offended about. I would share, but it is so small, petty and actually has so little to do with me it is utterly ridiculous. It was so dumb, and I even apologized for having verbalized it because I was embarrassed.  In conclusion, don’t be a hater, don’t be a martyr and especially do not be a mater.

I am not that old, BUT… Remember when you had a pager aka beeper? Mine was NOT flashy. One button. This embarrassed me. Remember when we had to call people and talk to them? Remember when you thought Barney the purple dinosaur was the most annoying thing ever? Awww, how I long for simpler times such as this. Remember middle school? Remember high school? Yeah. That kind of sucked. Remember record players?! Remember clogs? Those were the BOMB DOT COM! No regrets. Overalls. Hey, ‘member when stores had separate dressing rooms for men & women? I HATE trying on clothes anyway, but I hate it even more now that I’ve got Sasquatch to my right and a teenage couple to my left who are bikini shopping. So gross. Remember Myspace?  That was creeptastic. Remember when everyone was “brother” or “sister” so-and-so at church? Remember Milli Vanilli? We acted like those guys ran over our…

Things women should know: Undergarments are not optional. C’mon, ladies! Cover your lady business. (In addition to the basics, I am alarmed by how many people do not wear undershirts when they SHOULD or slips with dresses/skirts. Unacceptable!)  Nagging your husband will not cultivate a spirit of servitude in your home. Cross your legs at the ankle, knees together, when wearing a dress. NEVER cross leg over the knee when wearing a dress that is above knee length. Make an effort to put your best foot forward every day. Example: Wear some makeup. (I am not saying you have to wear a lot like I do. I enjoy being made up.) You will feel better about yourself. You will smile more – which will automatically make you more attractive.   Life is not a competition to determine who the prettiest (or fattest) girl in the room is. We are not in high school…

Someday… I hope I can mention “Friday” without  immediately bursting into song & dance. I’d like to go a solid 48 hours without quoting the notorious Intruder Song. (Even when taking segments of the song out of context, still funny.) I’d like to not laugh in a public restroom at other people’s personal business. I hope my vocabulary will extend beyond saying “rad” when I think something is really cool (or really lame…it’s sort of interchangeable for me) or say “barf” when I think something is gross. Maybe I’ll quit making up words like “craptastic” or “craptastrophe”. Maybe I’ll stop saying the word “crap” altogether. Nah, prob not! On second thought…why would I want to stop doing any of these things?! I am a funny lady.

In honor of Father’s Day, I want to share a few thoughts regarding the child/parent relationships. I had a discussion recently with some students which also inspired today’s post. It is my hope that maybe someday, a young person will FINALLY try this. Do things without being told to do them. It’s simple, you see. This one little thing can completely change your relationship with your parents. It sounds manipulative, but I don’t mean it that way at all. It shows your parents that you CARE! It shows that you can be responsible. I challenged a group of students to make a list of items that their parents ask of them FREQUENTLY and encouraged them to do so without being asked. Let’s see if any of them actually follow through. They have nothing to lose, but so much to gain. If you do things BEFORE you are told to do them, sit back…

My name is Kirstin, and I’m a sarcasm addict. I have a problem, I will admit it. I can’t help but say things that are just dripping with sarcasm. It’s part of my personality, if you don’t like it then we can’t be friends (I’m kidding! That was sarcastic!!!) This tends to get me into trouble, I once had a co-worker who used to get extremely upset with me because of my sarcastic wit. Many of my friends are the same way; we share the same dry humor. But there are those who take everything I say seriously, and I respectfully ask for everyone to stop being so serious! There is a time and a place for being serious, but not everywhere all the time. For example, I think hospitals shouldn’t always be serious. Whenever I have been in the hospital I have very much appreciated when the staff has…

Enjoying a coke & a smile at Disneyland in one of my fav spots, the French Quarter.On that fated day at Disneyland where we got soaked on Splash Mountain (and my phone was murdered), I breathed a giant sigh of relief when we exited the ride and my Pop says, “I need to go back to the hotel and change.” I was absolutely miserable and drenched from head to toe. My shoes squished with every step I took. Is there anything more difficult than prying off sopping wet jeans? I submit to you –  there isn’t. I feared I might need the assistance of the jaws of life to remove them from my person. I was not looking forward to that. When we arrived back at the hotel, Pop went to his room to change, and my husband and I to ours. Housekeeping had clearly just finished up as they were now onto…