June 2015


Do we even know the best days are happening while they’re happening? No. Hindsight is a big fat know-it-all. Because time is cruel. As a parent, the days are long but the years are short. Because time is cruel. It’s a Twilight Zone of all your hopes & fears. The clock ticking away with opportunities given, challenges to embrace & endless obligation. None of it would you trade. Except for more time itself. There’s never enough of it. Because time is cruel.

Mark Cuban reportedly encouraged twenty-something’s to life cheaply & save their money. Wise. So wise. I’d like to add to it, though. Develop healthy habits & take care if your body. I say this as I fight this mental battle daily & today in particular I’m incredibly discouraged. Eat right. Exercise. Go to bed at a reasonable hour. I’m so tired of the same struggle. Let my life be a cautionary tale. Be better than me. And while you’re at it, pray for me. Prat that I can make it through these weeks where I kill myself & don’t even lose a single pound; that my kids learn good habits by watching me.

I used to tell myself when I lost weight, I’d go on an audition or try stand up. If I’d waited, I’d still never have done it. I would’ve never known the thrill of standing on a stage & making a roomful of people laugh. As I was preparing my meals today, I was reflecting on my weight loss journey & my “what ifs”: What if we weren’t so hard on ourselves or each other? What if we took better care of ourselves? What if we let go of the body image ideals forced on us by society & OURSELVES? As I passed pictures in the hall of my boys, I thought about what life would be like without them. Tears fill my eyes now even typing those words. What if there was no Levi & Wyatt Conlee? My “what ifs” have changed significantly. I’ve never felt like I had…

The Zumba class Monday nights is my favs. I pretend I’m the offspring of Beyoncé & Kevin Bacon. Just poppin’ it & punch dancin’ it out. I caught up with the teacher, Amy, after class. She is FANTASTIC. And happens to be an amazing dancer. I caught up with her after class to tell her she’s awesome. She briefly shared with me her journey. Go like her Facebook page: Amy started at 380 pounds. She has lost 150. Even though she’s still on her weight loss journey, I dare ANY skinny girl to try & keep up with her. I mentioned the other day that my goal of losing 100 pounds was going to take me a year. So, I’m counting it down. According to my LoseIt app, I am 315 days to goal!

I’m overweight. I just realized today it’s going to take me a year to lose the 100 pounds I need to lose. I can’t tell you how discouraging this is. I just keep thinking it’ll cost me 1 year to add years to my life. Even with that fact, it is a mental battle. Oh and….it takes me 30 pounds to lose a pant size. It’s just how I’m built. SUCKS! I type this in the permanent ink of the interwebs in hopes that you, too, will choose today. I didn’t get this large overnight & I’m not going to lose it overnight.