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I used to tell myself when I lost weight, I’d go on an audition or try stand up. If I’d waited, I’d still never have done it. I would’ve never known the thrill of standing on a stage & making a roomful of people laugh. As I was preparing my meals today, I was reflecting on my weight loss journey & my “what ifs”: What if we weren’t so hard on ourselves or each other? What if we took better care of ourselves? What if we let go of the body image ideals forced on us by society & OURSELVES? As I passed pictures in the hall of my boys, I thought about what life would be like without them. Tears fill my eyes now even typing those words. What if there was no Levi & Wyatt Conlee? My “what ifs” have changed significantly. I’ve never felt like I had…

They race to the potty. They race to their beds. They race to the dinner table. I’ve noticed many things have become a competition lately – & that’s going to stop.Trouble is, both of my boys are brilliant but in completely different ways. They’re each going to excel, but in different areas. I cannot allow competition. I must keep them close. Your brother is not your competition; he is your ally. My hope is that they realize that they are best friends for life & that they’re stronger together. Together, they can accomplish anything. (Although, I hope they don’t figure that part out until they’re in college or else I’m in serious trouble!)It got me thinking: aren’t we ALL better together? When we work together, love without strings or judgement, we can do great things.I want to do great things.

Sometimes to embrace a stage of life you’re in, you have to let go of some things. Creatively, my focus is on things I can do when the boys are asleep. So, writing & recording. Ministry, well, my focus is on home. I’ve found that things overwhelm me & add to my fatigue. My health is a priority now as I need to be well & have lots of energy for my kids. My job is a huge blessing. I find this statement more true than ever: When you say yes to one thing, you’re saying no to something else. I hate how cliche that sounds, but it’s true. I feel overwhelmed & disconnected at the same time. My feelings are contradictory. I get overwhelmed when I do have things on my plate & then disconnected when I don’t. I do not believe balance in life exists. I just believe in phases – or…

When you fall in love, there’s butterflies. First date. First kiss. First time you say “I love you”. First argument. First time being wrong. JK! One of the things I’ve loved about my boys is all the firsts we get to do together. It truly is like falling in love all over again. The first time we met. First night at home. First explosive diaper. First bath. First time at church. First trip to the zoo. First time they pitched a fit on a walk in their stroller & I waved to onlookers & said, “parent of the year coming thru!” First 4th of July & participating in the neighborhood parade. First projectile vomiting. First trick or treating with Spider-man & Captain America. First Thanksgiving. First Christmas. My favorite? The first time they called me “mommy”. Wyatt just started this thing where he walks up to me & says, “Mommy, you so…

This is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down. And I’m not even the Fresh Prince. Yes, I just quoted the Fresh Prince theme song. Deal with it. David is gone a lot for his job. That is just the reality of it. Especially during summer months. But the boys have changed EVERYTHING. So we are navigating this one trip at a time. Levi was pretty playful from the beginning. Wyatt leaned more toward the serious. He was sullen. A thinker. A feeler. Levi gave affection rather quickly, but Wyatt took some time. Three weeks after their arrival, David left for 18 days to lead a group of students on a trip to Cambodia. My mom came to my rescue & stayed nearly a month to assist me with the boys. We accomplished much together during her time with me & our bond is stronger than ever. We…

After about a week of meetings & learning the boys’ routine inside & out, we met the boys in their home for the first time. They were shy. At first. Levi turned around with a crooked smile. His back was to us. He was perched atop a rideable toy car, looking out the window. I don’t know what came over me, but I got on my feet, ran out the door & jumped in front of that window. He laughed so hard & we began the most unforgettable game of hide & seek of my life. When I came back inside, I took off my boots to play with them on the floor. This quickly had Wyatt’s attention who had been observing from afar. He put on my boots & walked around. A few minutes later, he took them off & crawled onto my lap. Then, he lay there, gazing…

Like a Phoenix, my blog is rising from the ashes to take flight again. It’s purpose, you say? To serve as a creative outlet & tell my story which frankly, got way more interesting as of late. I lost my job September 2013, then embarked with my husband later that Fall on a 6 week sabbatical which concluded with the trip of my dreams to Paris. It was magical. Then the trip was over. We wanted a family. I needed a job. I hadn’t done any acting in about 6 months. Something needed to give or I was gonna lose my mind (up in here, up in here). We began seeing a doctor to explore fertility options in January 2014 to put to bed once & for all if it was even possible to have kids. (We had explored adoption & attended classes thru the state, but they’d been very…